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>>>space dementia

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++Last one to die, please turn out the lights. [Jan. 27th, 2007|08:47 pm]
>>>space dementia
[mood |semi-accomplished]
[music |Recommendation - Mirah]

1. I have a new bookshelf. Once I cleared the five foot-tall stacks from my floor, it was out of shelf space. C'est la vie.

2. SAT II Bio-M today went moderately well, I think. Left one blank, which is frustrating, but I'm not worried about diving below, say, 750.

3. The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter and I have what may possibly be deep issues, but I can't decide whether they're of the good or bad sort. You've got the smart fourteen year old girl and the rampant godlessness and themes about people wanting to be something other than completely alone and the AMAZING AMAZING! John Singer, but then there's also the deep south thing and I don't think she handled the introduction of Doctor Copeland aptly. But hey, in terms of required reading I'll take this over The Scarlet Letter...(Singer!!! <3)

4. I will get a class tshirt that says squillion on it before leaving high school.

5. Children of Men was FANTASTIC. Yes, I know there's the whole "oh everyone just likes it because it's arty liberal propaganda" thing, but I can't honestly believe that anyone saying that has seen the film. You've got this gritty landscape interspersed with classic rock and late-day radicals and extreme leftist activists (who were half the "enemy," who the hell calls this liberal propaganda?!) and british people (!) and I want to go see it again. Maybe after Pan's Labyrinth.

6. I'm super addicted to running now...it's the endorphins.
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++She thinks, hey? How did I come to this? [Jan. 10th, 2007|12:27 am]
>>>space dementia
[music |Grey Street - Dave Matthews Band]

So I probably don't need to explain why I love my new shirt:

I always thought that unicorns were made out of magic but, well, there you are...carbon, baby.

Arraedgawergh. I got sinusitis for Christmas, but that's thankfully over and done. Oh, and only one person walked out of dinner this year, and it wasn't my fault, and it wasn't me, and it wasn't even funny...absolutely no sarcasm. Last year there was the "I'm dating a black guy" incident that drove the hick relatives crazy (no, I wasn't, haha) and this year there was nothing and THE HELL that sucks.

Guess who's (maybe) getting a journal publication!!! Heck yes...okay, it's online, but still. Vaguely academic in nature and about Crazy Germans taking over Crazy San Antonio. I think it's neat.
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++Fire eyed boy, give 'em the slip [Dec. 21st, 2006|02:12 am]
>>>space dementia
[Tags|, ]
[mood |sleepy]
[music |Windsurfing Nation - Broken Social Scene]

I just finished the second book of The Brothers Karamazov (roughly 100 pages in, which is to crazy Russians nothing yet) and in the middle, while they were waiting for the first brother to show up, was a spontaneous and lengthy discussion on individual responsibilty in regards to morality and what forces an individual to take up that particular form of self-control. The actual textual discussion dealt with granting blind faith to individuals in regards to bettering themselves and generally being fantastic (through the church), while the other side dealt with (in a really roundabout, self-mocking kind of way) altering the justice system (through the church, hah) in a way that demonstrated a lack of that particular faith. Dostoyevsky made solid arguments for both, because that's how he does things, and naturally the course of the novel leads to his conclusion on that particular topic (and no, I haven't finished it, but I know enough about the man to say undoubtedly that it's the former). What I felt it came down to seemed, in essence, the flaws of anarchy versus the flaws of socialism (sweeping generalization #6!!!). The latter is blanket policies, which I've always dreaded (aided in part by Crazy Ayn Rand). And I think that to ignore the presence of individual irresponsibility and the general discord that results ignores the situation in a manner that becomes very hypocritical and ultimatley detrimental, hence the lack of one-sidedness.

Knowing how to pronounce "Karamazov" would also be cool.

Anyway, I'm halfway into junior year and the lack of an actual workload is somewhat disappointing. I mean, yeah, I'm constantly busy but I feel as if I'm not getting anywhere in the manner I had envisioned (because we all know how often that happens in real life).

I'm going to the enchilada library tomorrow!!
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++Give away my gun when it's loaded [Dec. 11th, 2006|06:54 pm]
>>>space dementia
[mood |Drained.]
[music |Homesick at Space Camp - Fall Out Boy]

Crunch week is over. I have time to be on the computer, go running, drink things based upon choices other than caffeine content, sleep, breathe, read fun books, hang out with people, go bake cookies with Alex, do other stuff, and all of it seems so amazing and novel because I'm not turning out paper after paper and taking three tests per day. Damn.

Oooh, I was called down to the AP office today...(heck yes, this is rebel year). The football team is doing relatively well in the playoffs or something, which everyone knows I could care less about but whatever, and things were dandy(!) until student council or some spirit group started tying plastic ribbons to everyone's cars. Initially it was like, okay whatever, I'll just tear them off and contribute to general pollution, but it happened over and over so I ended up taping a "don't tie blue and white crap on my car" sign to my back windshield - which, it seems, warrants a call down to the office and missing twenty minutes of APUSH. So apparrantly there were several actual threats about tire slashing key scratching etc., which I can't even begin to fathom - hell, I can't even imagine why anyone would care to report something on my property that is so completely trivial and irrelevant to them in the first place. JK ended up giving me a lecture (without giving me a word edgewise) on how he doesn't care what I think about the school but that if something happens to my car it's my own damn fault, as if I didn't know that. Anyway, my actual problem with the entire event was the way he was talking to me like a student - not event talking TO me, but rather AT me - or maybe in my general direction - rather than actually conversing. Being spoken to as if you can't think for yourself has to be the most demeaning and degrading experience ever and it drives me mad that it's considered acceptable (not to mention the norm) to treat someone as completely inhuman in an academic environment where SHOULD be considered counterproductive.

Uggh yes. It's one of those situations that has to be funny because if it's not it's like what the hell is wrong with people. They happen.

There's this kid I've known for a while, but I only just went over to his house last week. He's always struck me as the really-smart-but-no-common-sense sort of person but this goes so far beyond the stereotypical walk into the snow shoeless sort of scenario...apparently his whole family is like that and their house is such a mess. I was halfway expecting the table to start walking or something, and there are scorchmarks all over the kitchen ceiling and it's silllly. So we ended up doing physics on the TV in dry erase maker, which was pretty amazing.

That's all :)
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++Everyone's out of town... [Nov. 23rd, 2006|02:22 am]
>>>space dementia
[mood |zzzzzish]
[music |I Will Light You on Fire - Golden Shoulders]

Random but here we go: kids on myspace.Collapse )

Re: break - Sleep, half-check. Homework, check. Kafka anthology, check (and a v. good read).

Off to hickland for a DAY AND A HALF UGH UGH UGH I HATE RELATIVES AND MANDATORY FAKE NICENESS AND STUPID TRADITIONS...packing would be smart probably, let's see if I can tune things down to only mildly excruciating.
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1-1-11-111-11111-11111111-1111111111111&c. [Nov. 8th, 2006|03:48 am]
>>>space dementia
[Tags|]
[mood |Giddy]
[music |Thermals - A Stare Like Yours]

All right, so I know that nothing is actually confirmed yet and if percentage points shift a bit in the morning I will undoubtedly feel very foolish, but! Just...yes. God, I can feel the crazy seeping out of America. This half-giddy victorious feeling will likely flee the instant Congress begins to actually do anything, but damned if I won't take what I can get while the concept is intact.

Aaasadweqarsyacfsadgxcgh :)!
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++Calculus = so pretty. [Oct. 28th, 2006|08:58 pm]
>>>space dementia
[Tags|, ]
[mood |enthralled]
[music |Debussy...with a bit of Anna-Molly from Incubus.]

Election day is coming up...I don't actually need to tell anyone to vote, do I? Seventeen and ten months can register (to my knowledge), so if you're not signed up yet, definitely do it.

Re: life, I've had a sucky week but I think we're coming back to Jordanland, which is code for unbridled academic and literary enthusiasm mixed with caffeine and jump-started with about six squillion watts. And, you know, focus and clarity and sanity and self-satisfaction and a ridiculous number of additional things I feel have been missing lately. Honestly, I don't know what the issue has been, but it's for the most part over and that's better than otherwise.

First UIL meet today...scored first in division, beat the guy I wanted to by ten points or so, fairly satisfactory performance overall. McD was being ridiculous when he called - "well SOMEONE did this and SOMEONE did this" and such things - and I was like, okay, just tell me, hah. But yes, I'm happy with it, will hang on to this position tooth and nail, etc ad nauseum (though apparently all the cool kids go ad infinitum these days).

And hey, guess who got a new book (and guess who finally gets to read non-academic things for the first time in months)! Halsey is, in the manner of previous and similarily odd parallellisms, now canonically a French-speaking atheist. I've decided that the whole fantastically-mad rebel-doctor thing may quite seriously be the rest of my life (and, naturally, can't wait).

(Snark x 10. Oh, The Onion...more often than not it crosses the line between bad taste and satire, but occasionally hits the mark.)
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++So she was all, hon I've been so faithful, and he was like um, um, me too [Oct. 14th, 2006|11:07 pm]
>>>space dementia
[mood |arrrawefascgwaer]
[music |Odysseus - The Heathens]

Hah...so my car broke down on the way to the SAT.

(And yes, I did make it on time. But the entire process involved panicked phone calls made 20 minutes away from the center when I had to be there in 15, speeding through Alamo Heights, coffee that wasn't worth it, and a huge branch wedged into the undercarriage. Murphy's law is a bitch. Oh, and the car is fine now, thankfully.)

Re: scoring, a 2400 doesn't really seem plausible any more...I'm fairly sure I earned a 800 on the critical reading (there was a Bronte passage! omgworthy), probably scored 750+ on writing, and fucked up the math beyond reason (2 wrong for certain, which knowing me means like 4). We were talking cuves afterwards but I don't want a lenient curve, I want to be right...hoping for a perfect math score on the PSAT on Wednesday so there's that.

Test talk is pretty sickening so I'll stop now.
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++And a girl like me should know much better than to raise her flag in stormy weather... [Oct. 7th, 2006|09:50 pm]
>>>space dementia
[mood |Unimpressed]
[music |Near Fantastica - Matthew Good Band]

Wow I completely love how one of our gubernatorial candidates has no idea who the president of Mexico is.
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++Oh, the country's full of crazies... [Sep. 30th, 2006|07:21 pm]
>>>space dementia
[Tags|, ]
[mood |defensive]
[music |The Galaxy Song - Bree Sharp]

I’m so politically confused right now, primarily in regard to intellectual class rule. I think very certainly that the current state of the nation provides the opportunity for education – self or other – on a basis equal enough that a lack thereof constitutes civil irresponsibility on behalf of the individual, and as thus justifies political non-representation. I can’t even begin to fathom how people can morally justify – to themselves, even, much less others - voting on issues that they are uninformed about. The mass of uneducated, evangelically religious fundamentalists that dominates the nation genuinely scares me – but simultaneously, the notion of drawing a line somewhere in between, without taking into account individual situations and simply limiting representation is just as sickening if not more so. I don’t want to cut them off; I want the chance to change their minds. It’s like everything else at the moment - altering the problem so that it ceases to apply to me personally isn’t the solution, it’s just the irresponsible course of action, and that’s a tough course to take. I feel like I’m torn between personal progress (and personal happiness) and fighting a losing battle. I feel ridiculously alienated when we have a president who can fit eleven blatant biblical references into a nineteen-minute speech as if he’s speaking for me. I wouldn’t dare to decide anything non-applicable to myself for someone else and can’t understand how someone entirely unaffected, except by potential benefit, feels it so necessary to do so for me. I’m can’t call myself American the way it is, I can’t fathom leaving it in the state it is, I feel like there’s a cause here that has been slowly and recklessly abandoned, I can’t stand people who refuse to think, I can’t believe World War II was over in 42 months and we’re at 43 and counting, and I can’t believe that any issues are being championed in congressional campaigns that are concentrated on anything other than the immense and tangled exigency that is Iraq. I’ve hit about twenty different topics in a single paragraph and on a literary level that disgusts me, so have a new one:

We’ve got issues when the president of Pakistan appears on the fucking Daily Show instead of something reputable, and we’ve got problems when we champion ideals – religious fundamentalism, waterboarding of all things - identical to those we claim to be fighting. Politically parties have become absurd in a way that transcends their original purpose of stimulating open discourse: instead, we’ve got representatives who refuse to say “fuck it” to the party lines and get something done, who are impervious to rhyme and reason in that exact matter and who are more concerned with campaigning, with molding their forms to the exact standards that the public eats up in a 50-50 ratio, than upholding the principles with which the nation began. I know that sounds vaguely reminiscent of fundamentalism in itself, but I’m not arguing for the sake of tradition, I’m arguing it because it worked and now it doesn’t and we have to fix it and I don’t know how to do it and I can’t because I’m sixteen and ridiculous and want to go into bioengineering, anyway. So, you know, that puts a cap on things.

Anyway, I didn’t proofread that and it turns out that this past week sucked for everyone, so misery has its company. Candid but true - James and I took a survey at practice SAT, results are 34 to 2. Regarding that, I slaughtered the writing section, too bad it didn't count. Rankings come out in a little while so JOY in that direction. School is nice, much <333ism for B-days and D-raves (the rest of a-days are ehn). I haven’t arrived after eight and left before five in forever, mais c’est la vie. Oh, and Major Issue (well, one among many) is the lack of support for the AP/GT crowd among admins, and I quote: “People think that the AP kids eat off the fine china and everyone else eats off paper plates.” Yeah, so let’s spend money on PSAT programs for kids who won’t show up to the classes. Whatever. Bitch. I want to transfer just for the sake of killing their mean test scores. And she’s having monthly luncheons with “high-achieving students,” which makes NO sense, as it’s really more of a punishment that anything else. Joyyy. I do things other than school, I swear.

No update = really busy, and there's been a lot of that lately. It's a good thing.
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